If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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