mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
