Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there