I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever