sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.