Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
