Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
