Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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