She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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