New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
