i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
