Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
