We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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