Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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