That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
