i just had sex bonerless
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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