We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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