oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
