I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
