You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
