your room smells of hookers.
And success
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
