I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
