I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
