You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
