my vag is so smooth its legendary
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
