I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
