Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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