i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
