I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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