i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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