Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
