Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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