Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
