1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Randomize
