I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
