I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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