i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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