So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this beer tastes like vomit already
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
