Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
