He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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