i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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