hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
