I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
