i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
