Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
