dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
