Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
