Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
