i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
