I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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