I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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