yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
