Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize