Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
