well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Even my vagina gasped.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
