I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Green mimosas i think yes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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