Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
