my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How does one acquire holy water?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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