do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
