so that wasnt chicken after all
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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