home. puking in laundry basket.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize