remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
