There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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