I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
