Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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